My intuition was right!
When I shared a blog entry entitled, “IF I WERE A BOY…” in Facebook, I got many comments. As I’ve expected, a guy friend called me FEMINIST! I was surprised he also said, “It’s hard to be a gentleman today ‘coz majority of the girls aren’t gentle too.” Instead of being annoyed, I laughed. I couldn’t laugh more, though it was not a mere joke.
I anticipated that there would be violent reactions from guys. LOL! I already thought of writing a sequel, “Because I’m a Girl…” to support the entry “If I were a Boy…”. I also wanted to share to my fellas my epiphanies from the awesome books I treasure: FASCINATING WOMANHOOD by Helen Andelin, and THE DISCIPLINES OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN by Anne Ortlund. However, I failed to scribble my musings. It took me awhile. Maybe this isn’t too late yet.
If there had been violent reactions, there are commendations too!
Thanks God! I sighed with gratitude, when I read other men’s comments aside from the comments posted here at WordPress:
“Nice post! I think the reason why boys are drifting away from that mentality is that the picture of a masculine individual has changed and through that change selfishness prevailed and sympathy and empathy were lost.” J.N.
“Nice article Lanie. Someone should make a response to this titled “If I Were A Girl...” ~D.V.
I encouraged the latter to make the rebuttal, but he said:
…it’s risky to make a rebuttal to your article. I foresee many violent reactions…especially from females.
There might be violent reactions. But it would depend on how the article will be written. I just wished somebody would be willing enough to write a man’s perspective about women.
It was unexpected to see my Indian girl friends at ‘talipapa’ (a mini local market inside AUP campus) yesterday morning. With much gaiety, I greeted them. We chatted for awhile, then, they moved to the fruit section.
When I went to buy fruits, they were still there. I heard C.B.’s confession, “I don’t have a dream guy…”. She was talking to an African guy friend. That kindled my curiosity. I looked back and smiled at her. I came closer and told her, “Really? that’s interesting!…I don’t have a dream guy too!” I gave her a high five. We giggled. She said, it’s hard to be disappointed. She had a dream guy before but he fell short of her expectations. From then on, she didn’t think much of what he wants in a man. I think she nailed the point!
Not to be obvious, I meddled in their conversation. I told them, I am no longer too idealistic. Instead of focusing on the man I like or focusing on prospective lifetime partner, I would focus more of becoming a right woman for the right man, God is preparing for me . The African guy responded: “I will be looking for that right guy for you! That’s true!” I just laughed at him. It was a short but meaningful sharing.
While on my way home, that conversation lingered in my mind. Reminiscing the past, I tried to gather the roses instead of murmuring about the thorns. I learned my lesson in a hard way. I got very disappointed. I was too idealistic before, as if Mr. Perfect exists. Bitter experiences led me to know myself more, to accept the reality, and to search more of God’s purpose. By His grace, I became a better person. I have seen my mistakes and learned to be grateful for the fiery trials that refined me like gold.
I’ve learned that it is important for a woman to accept the man without pretense, and take him at face value. Don’t try to change him. Only God can change a person. Fervent prayer and good influence are of great help. Even a comment that insinuate him to change would not help, even you really care and you love him dearly. A man who is struggling to be a better person becomes rebellious when his loved ones suggest or impose, making him feel unworthy, or worse, hopeless. I’ve learned that from the books I mentioned and through experiences. I couldn’t agree more with the authors!
In general, the man’s roles are three P’s: protector, provider and pastor/priest of the household. If he is deprived of the fulfillment accomplishing his tasks because the woman takes the lead, he feels he is being dominated by the woman.
If a guy gives you a hand, don’t tell him,”I CAN MANAGE!” Yes, you can manage, but he’s offering a help! A man’s pride is often hurt when a girl say or do subtle rejection like that. Sometimes, even a joke can make him feel rejected and turned down — so please be careful!
I wish I’ve known those principles earlier, I could have avoided hurting loved ones (including my father and brothers). A woman would give a man an idea how she would treat her husband in a future by how she relates with her father, brothers and guy friends. TAKE NOTE ON THAT BROTHERS!
Oftentimes, a man is shocked the moment he realized that he married a different person when the glitter of romance and sweet-nothings fade, and the true character is unveiled during trials. Vice-versa for a woman. Long friendship and long observation are still the best foundation for a life-long commitment.
Because I’m a girl, I would be mindful of helping guy friends to have a closer relationship with God through Christ-centered friendships and for someone special, Christ-centered relationship.
More than Skin-Deep Beauty
Have you ever felt stressed seeing gorgeous ladies in their killer stilettos and skimpy bikinis, lavishly showing their voluptuous bodies? You might have watched the recent Miss Universe 2011 Pageant and with mixed emotions, celebrate with for victory of the crowned beauty queens. I have another article to be posted for Philippines’ Pride, Ms. Shamcey Supsup (it’s also a late post). She’s an epitome of more than a skin-deep beauty, dignity, and brilliance. Ms. Philippines’ answer during the question and answer portion garnered greater admiration and respect. I strongly concur to her answer.
Going back to my question, I have some girl friends who are getting stressed whenever they see sexy and almost perfect and flawless bodies and faces, whether they see them in the television, movies, internet and magazines. I pondered why they are being insecure, maybe some of you might relate.
For you, what is the measure of true beauty?
I’m a late bloomer! I got conscious with my looks, the way I dress and how I portray behave myself. God uniquely created men. They are visual. They are easily attracted to the woman’s outward apprearance. There’s nothing wrong making yourself presentable and beautiful, but too much of something good, makes a good thing bad.
“Young girls are often obsessed with appearance as the standard of self-worth. Instead of finding identity in the inner person. Rather than focus on the development of character, they focus on appearance, performance and status. Satan capitalizes on this wrong pursuit of happiness and self-esteem.” Released from Bondage p. 87
Maybe the media has manipulated our minds of what beauty means. Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror, without make-up, just the natural look, yet with a great smile? What makes the difference when you’re wearing make-up but you’re frowning?
Yesterday, I knew that a celebrity guy finds it more interesting to have a girl with a nice character though she’s not physically attractive, than to have a girl with gorgeous face and body but has a rotten character. It made me smile; not all men are physical!
Because I’m a girl, I would focus more of cultivating inward beauty, then take care of my self and be beautiful outwardly.
Becoming Beautiful for God
“Beauty is the mark God set on virtue.” ~Helen Andelin, Fascinating Womanhood
“God writes through us, and however imperfect instruments we may be, he writes beautifully.” ~ Mother Theresa
Reading the Adventist Home and Messages to the Young People by Ellen White helped me to know more of what God wants me to be. One of the best attributes of a lady is to be submissive without compromise. May this quote inspire you too!
Women Must Uphold High Standard of Conduct – “I write with a distressed heart that the women in this age, both married and unmarried, too frequently do not maintain the reserve that is necessary. They act like coquettes. They encourage the attentions of single and married men, and those who are weak in moral power will be ensnared. These things, if allowed, deaden the moral senses and blind the mind so that crime does not appear sinful. Thoughts are awakened that would not have been if woman had kept her place in all modesty and sobriety. She may have had no unlawful purpose or motive herself, but she has given encouragement to men who are tempted, and who need all the help they can get from those associated with them. By being circumspect, reserved, taking no liberties, receiving no unwarrantable attentions, but preserving a high moral tone and becoming dignity, much evil might be avoided.” EGW, Adventist Home p.331
Because I’m a girl, I would submit to God and let him mold me into a beautiful woman; to be responsible and disciplined, knowing that true respect is never imposed, it is gained.
Photos courtesy of: Google Image for Miss Universe 2011, Anthony Esguerra, taken at Trinoma on June 6, 2010